Part of my job is to produce mailing lists of our membership. People requesting those lists sometimes have questions, and as a cubicle slave I must always have answers. I tried to put together a useful FAQ, but that effort lasted about twenty seconds and turned into this mess.
Q: What’s a member?
A: They generally reside between the legs of the male of the species. Why so many of them have joined the WSBA is difficult to explain. I try not to get into motivations.
Q: How can I get what I want?
A: Lower your expectations. Happy yet? Yes: stop. No: repeat.
Q: This count is too high/low. What happened?
A: I may have screwed it up, but it’s unlikely. I can do these damned things in my sleep, and the odds that I messed it up are pretty small. Perhaps you were ambiguous in your request. Perhaps you thought you requested one thing, but in fact you requested something else. Please check your request and assumptions before you ask me to check mine.
Q: I really need this right away. Can you rush it for me?
A: Yes, but it really annoys me when you do shit like that. I understand that things can get misplaced and deadlines can creep up on you, but you are getting paid to handle that kind of crap so please do. I’ll bail your ass out if you’re in a bind, but don’t make a habit out of it. I will whine to the authorities eventually.
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