My office is currently undertaking a salary survey. Step one requires everyone to write up a job description. We were given a list of 'action words' and were asked to start each sentence in our job description with one of them. I couldn't resist. I used them all.
1. Accumulate dust in your inbox.
2. Achieve plausible deniability.
3. Acquire excessive amounts of office supplies.
4. Act inappropriately in front of coworkers.
5. Activate the coffee maker.
6. Administer the annual NCAA basketball tournament pool.
7. Advise new employees on whom to avoid.
8. Allocate enough time for breaks and lunch.
9. Analyze contents of the fridge.
10. Archive all the best spam e-mails.
11. Assemble a group of coconspirators.
12. Assist in a discussion that has nothing to do with your job.
13. Calculate who shorted you on the bill at lunch.
14. Call your out-of-state family and friends.
15. Clean your desk as only a last resort.
16. Collect the best pens from the store room.
17. Communicate your dissatisfaction with your coworker’s lack of effort.
18. Compare cubicle size.
19. Compile a list of complaints.
20. Complete your tasks when you have to.
21. Compose your excuses ahead of time.
22. Conduct yourself with confidence. (Appearance is everything.)
23. Construct an elaborate fantasy world as a retreat from tedious meetings.
24. Control the urge to kill.
25. Convert sick time to vacation time.
26. Coordinate your wardrobe with computer wallpaper.
27. Copy the complete works of Shakespeare on the office Nokia.
28. Correlate productivity to the amount of time off offered.
29. Counsel fellow workers on best places for lunch.
30. Delete the porn off your work hard drive before anyone audits your computer.
31. Deliver engaging narratives about your weekend activities.
32. Design your new kitchen on the office CAD software.
33. Develop and unnatural ability to detect donuts.
34. Direct coworkers in how to do their work.
35. Distribute voluminous humorous e-mails.
36. Drive your projects straight into the ground.
37. Embark on meaningless escapades only tangentially related to your actual tasks.
38. Enclose enormous attachments to your voluminous humorous e-mails.
39. Encourage other to not concern themselves with arbitrary deadlines.
40. Enforce the arbitrary deadlines.
41. Ensure you have the best chair in the office.
42. Enter: It’s the big key with a little arrow under it on the right side of the keyboard.
43. Establish close friendships with other managers who will defend you.
44. Evaluate your résumé with frequency.
45. Execute a perfect 180º turn when your manager approaches you in the hall.
46. Extend each and every deadline.
47. Facilitate the procrastination of others.
48. Fill your outlook calendar with fictitious meetings and appointments.
49. Fix it so you can always be off on Monday and/or Friday.
50. Form close ties to those in power.
51. Function anonymously whenever possible.
52. Handle stress with frequent coffee breaks.
53. Help in visible ways to impress those who will defend you.
54. Hold grudges against those who question your work ethic.
55. Implement impenetrable defenses against blame.
56. Influence others to see it your way.
57. Inform management of your Herculean efforts.
58. Initiate a three martini lunch.
59. Install games on your work computer.
60. Instruct coworkers in how they should do their jobs.
61. Interview practice is a necessary part of any job hunt.
62. Investigate all possible job openings.
63. Invoice clients randomly to keep them on their toes.
64. Label everything in your cube as yours.
65. Lead everyone to believe you are swamped with work.
66. Lift nothing heavier than a ream of paper.
67. Locate the best happy hour spots within walking distance of the office.
68. Maintain the illusion of competence.
69. Monitor all the sports scores on the internet
70. Negotiate extensions to all deadlines.
71. Operate the photocopier with an air of authority.
72. Order more donuts and coffee.
73. Participate in all conversations regardless of topic.
74. Perform a song and dance when confronted with unfinished tasks.
75. Phone your significant other at least four times a day.
76. Plan your next vacation.
77. Post entries on your blog.
78. Prepare back-up excuses in case your primary excuses don’t work.
79. Print humorous Photoshop pictures on the color printer.
80. Process tasks in order of importance of the person who requested them.
81. Promote the notion that you should get a raise.
82. Read your personal e-mail.
83. Recommend the best lunch spots.
84. Recruit help in perpetrating office pranks.
85. Register your displeasure with office pranks.
86. Regulate your coffee intake to less than 15 cups per morning.
87. Reimburse petty cash only after six reminders.
88. Render complaints meaningless with your absence.
89. Renew your library books online.
90. Repair the printer yourself. No need to involve the IT department.
91. Report attempts by coworkers to repair the printer to the IT department.
92. Request extra personal days off.
93. Resolve conflicts by siding with whoever most directly affects your salary.
94. Review documentation over and over and over and over again.
95. Schedule a regular nap time.
96. Seek out and devour unattended food.
97. Sell extra office supplies on eBay.
98. Serve notice that your position is indispensable.
99. Service: What customers want and what your coworkers provide.
100. Suggest tasks that can be taken on by your coworkers.
101. Supervise the brewing of a fresh pot of coffee.
102. Teach the art of bringing snacks to the office.
103. Tend to your work when everything else is done.
104. Train your supervisor to not bother you during your ‘me time.’
105. Transfer your work onto unsuspecting coworkers.
106. Type memos in ALL CAPS just for emphasis.
107. Update your calendar to reflect your time off.
108. Vacate the office promptly at 5:00pm.
109. Verify your accumulated sick and vacation time.
110. Weigh the virtues of work against the virtues of another coffee break.
111. Write an endless stream of confusing and meaningless e-mails.
Friday, April 07, 2006
Friday, March 24, 2006
I'm NOT Going to Read Too Much Into This...
Does this mean Karl will be a hairdresser when he grows up? He looks pretty focused. Oh well, as long as he's happy.
Brushing Your Teeth 101: It's not just for athletes anymore.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Time on my hands.
I wrote this back before the courts in Pennsylvania pimp-slapped intelligent design out of the science class room. I worked really hard to make the simple graphics as accurate as possible, and I didn't want it to sit forever ignored on my hard drive. Now it can sit forever ignored on my blog. Cheers - KDB
A very good friend who was my roommate while he was working on his PhD in theoretical physics once told me that one of the unwritten laws of physics is, “That which is not expressly forbidden is compulsory.” In other words, unless there is a darn good reason why something will not happen, probability demands that given enough time it will happen. That’s evolution in a nutshell. All you need is a lot of time. Luckily for us a lot of time has passed on this rock we call earth. As James Hutton, the father of modern geology, famously said of the earth, it shows “no vestige of a beginning, no prospect of an end.”
The earth formed 4.56 billion years ago (Ba). During its accretionary period the earth was being bombarded with a large number of meteorite and comet impacts. Those impacts have continued with decreasing frequency to this day. It has been discovered that many basic organic compounds exist in meteorites and comets. Therefore, the basic building blocks of life have existed on earth virtually from the very beginning. Urey and Miller showed that amino acids can be naturally synthesized in their famous experiment where they ran a spark through an approximation of the earth's ancient atmosphere. It has since been shown the deep sea volcanic vents also generate organic compounds, and the surrounding rocks themselves can act as a template to assemble the organic bits into very complex compounds.
Has enough time elapsed since the earth formed to allow this dilute brew to coalesce into simple cells and eventually complex life? Consider the following 4,560 lines. Each line represents one million years. I’ve color coded them to correspond to important periods or instants of time.
IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII
No noticeable life.
Non-cellular life only.
Prokaryotic cells (cells w/o a nucleus).
First indication of sexual reproduction.
Eukaryotic cells (cells with a nucleus) and multicellular organisms and invertebrates.
Vertebrates.
Age of dinosaurs.
Mammals dominant.
First primates.
Most recent ice age. Homo Erectus.
To look at what we call human history, you need only consider the very last line. The last line has been split up below. Each one of these lines represents 1,000 years.
IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII
Fire harnessed.
Neanderthal dominates.
Homo Sapiens Sapiens arises and dominates.
Neanderthal goes extinct.
First signs of agriculture.
First cities.
Iron Age begins.
Greek civilization rises/falls, Roman civilization rises/falls, Jesus Christ born/dies.
Pretty much everything else you can think of.
Okay, so what is the point of this little exercise? The point is to show that there has been plenty of time for things to happen on their own without the guiding hand of any manner of deity. To invoke a deity to explain anything exhibits, IMHO, a profound lack of understanding of nature, probability, and an even more profound lack of imagination. Certainly there are circumstances and occurrences that defy scientific explanation. However, to simplistically dub them “an act of God” is merely a game of one-upsmanship, and holds no virtue over the playground taunt of “I know something you don’t know.”
This point of view does not deny the existence of God. God is a metaphysical entity whose existence can be neither proved nor disproved. This perspective does, however, acknowledge that the existence of God is in no way required for life to evolve on this planet. Does it diminish God? Not in the least. In fact as Robert M. Hazen so elegantly pointed out in his book, Genesis: The Scientific Quest For Life’s Origin, those who deny evolution in favor of creationism (currently known as ‘intelligent design theory’) diminish God by relegating God to the gaps in scientific knowledge. As we learn more those gaps will close and so will the space reserved for God by intelligent design proponents.
As Hazen writes, “Isn’t more satisfying to believe in a God who created the whole shebang from the outset – a God of natural laws who stepped back and doesn’t meddle in our affairs? In the beginning God set the entire magnificent fabric of the universe into motion. Atoms and stars and cells and consciousness emerged inexorably, as did the intellect to discover laws of nature through a natural process of self-awareness and discovery. In such a universe, scientific study provides a glimpse of creator as well as creation.”
A very good friend who was my roommate while he was working on his PhD in theoretical physics once told me that one of the unwritten laws of physics is, “That which is not expressly forbidden is compulsory.” In other words, unless there is a darn good reason why something will not happen, probability demands that given enough time it will happen. That’s evolution in a nutshell. All you need is a lot of time. Luckily for us a lot of time has passed on this rock we call earth. As James Hutton, the father of modern geology, famously said of the earth, it shows “no vestige of a beginning, no prospect of an end.”
The earth formed 4.56 billion years ago (Ba). During its accretionary period the earth was being bombarded with a large number of meteorite and comet impacts. Those impacts have continued with decreasing frequency to this day. It has been discovered that many basic organic compounds exist in meteorites and comets. Therefore, the basic building blocks of life have existed on earth virtually from the very beginning. Urey and Miller showed that amino acids can be naturally synthesized in their famous experiment where they ran a spark through an approximation of the earth's ancient atmosphere. It has since been shown the deep sea volcanic vents also generate organic compounds, and the surrounding rocks themselves can act as a template to assemble the organic bits into very complex compounds.
Has enough time elapsed since the earth formed to allow this dilute brew to coalesce into simple cells and eventually complex life? Consider the following 4,560 lines. Each line represents one million years. I’ve color coded them to correspond to important periods or instants of time.
IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII
No noticeable life.
Non-cellular life only.
Prokaryotic cells (cells w/o a nucleus).
First indication of sexual reproduction.
Eukaryotic cells (cells with a nucleus) and multicellular organisms and invertebrates.
Vertebrates.
Age of dinosaurs.
Mammals dominant.
First primates.
Most recent ice age. Homo Erectus.
To look at what we call human history, you need only consider the very last line. The last line has been split up below. Each one of these lines represents 1,000 years.
IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII
Fire harnessed.
Neanderthal dominates.
Homo Sapiens Sapiens arises and dominates.
Neanderthal goes extinct.
First signs of agriculture.
First cities.
Iron Age begins.
Greek civilization rises/falls, Roman civilization rises/falls, Jesus Christ born/dies.
Pretty much everything else you can think of.
Okay, so what is the point of this little exercise? The point is to show that there has been plenty of time for things to happen on their own without the guiding hand of any manner of deity. To invoke a deity to explain anything exhibits, IMHO, a profound lack of understanding of nature, probability, and an even more profound lack of imagination. Certainly there are circumstances and occurrences that defy scientific explanation. However, to simplistically dub them “an act of God” is merely a game of one-upsmanship, and holds no virtue over the playground taunt of “I know something you don’t know.”
This point of view does not deny the existence of God. God is a metaphysical entity whose existence can be neither proved nor disproved. This perspective does, however, acknowledge that the existence of God is in no way required for life to evolve on this planet. Does it diminish God? Not in the least. In fact as Robert M. Hazen so elegantly pointed out in his book, Genesis: The Scientific Quest For Life’s Origin, those who deny evolution in favor of creationism (currently known as ‘intelligent design theory’) diminish God by relegating God to the gaps in scientific knowledge. As we learn more those gaps will close and so will the space reserved for God by intelligent design proponents.
As Hazen writes, “Isn’t more satisfying to believe in a God who created the whole shebang from the outset – a God of natural laws who stepped back and doesn’t meddle in our affairs? In the beginning God set the entire magnificent fabric of the universe into motion. Atoms and stars and cells and consciousness emerged inexorably, as did the intellect to discover laws of nature through a natural process of self-awareness and discovery. In such a universe, scientific study provides a glimpse of creator as well as creation.”
Monday, March 06, 2006
Goodbye Joy. Goodbye Katherine.
Two of my coworkers died in an automobile accident this weekend. Katherine Johnson and Joy McLean were driving in the mountains on their way from Missoula to Joy’s farm in Idaho. They were caught in a sudden snow storm, lost control of the car, crossed the center line, and were hit by an oncoming car.
Goodbye Katherine. Goodbye Joy. We were hardly what could be called close friends, but I want to thank you both for sharing a small fraction of your life with me. You’ll be missed.
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